Revving up for a new college semester? Before getting completely hammered, follow these tips to ensure a fun evening of (mostly) safe drinking and partying with your best mates. Remember, severe alcohol poisoning could lead to blindness or death- a few things your new college professor is bound to notice when you try coming in to class on a hangover. So have a good time, but listen to your body and know when to stop.
Safe College Drinking Tips- Abide!
1) Don’t drink on an empty stomach…not unless you want to get snockered in mere seconds. When alcohol is consumed, it first passes through the stomach and then enters the bloodstream. Also avoid eating very low-fat or fat-free meals before going on a bender, as fatty foods take longer to leave your stomach, delaying the intoxicating effects of alcohol.
So, unless you want to get plastered in the amount of time it takes to say “Huckleberry infused vodka,” make sure to eat a greasy hamburger with fries before hitting the clubs.
2) Sip your beergarita slowly, not through a fat honkin’ Big Gulp straw. The sucking of air through a straw assists in alcohol absorption into the bloodstream, so slow down to prevent getting instantly drunk before you’ve had a chance to meet your new dorm mate and make a good impression.
3) Sugary drink mixes will get you drunk quicker, as sugar acts as a carrier to the bloodstream. So, if you’re one of those rare lightweight college students, then avoid chick drinks like Orange Dream Mimosas or Strawberry Jell-O Shooters, and stick to beer off the tap.
4) Don’t mix your alcoholic beverage with Gatorade. Gatorade is a high carbohydrate electrolyte sports drink used to replenish your body’s fluids. Why it works so well in getting you clinically smashed leaves scientists scratching their heads.
5) Don’t use a funnel or beer bong such as the “Flowmaster 3000” to ingest vast quantities of beer, not even if all your other college frat mates are doing it. Seriously, run the other way.
6) If you’re not used to doing shots of hard grain liquor, then don’t try it for the first time on an empty stomach, and definitely not before college orientation. Not unless you have a designated driver or somebody to carry you home.
7) A word about Jell-O Shots. These items are exactly what their name implies. They’re Jell-O prepared in Dixie bathroom cups made with vodka in lieu of water. These are not for the weak of stomach or inexperienced college drinkers.
8) Don’t drink liquor with big gulps. Flooding your stomach with alcohol in large doses appears to cause intoxication that much quicker.
9) Don’t drink following 45+ minutes of exercise! Researchers have reported that the body absorbs alcohol at its fastest rate after a strenuous workout.
10) Don’t try drinking alcoholic beverages quickly and then standing up. This causes an instant intoxication head rush to the brain. You may get dizzy. And you don’t want that. Really.
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